Today was a hard day. I started the day in G-Mo's bathroom crying after taking forever to get motivated to get out of bed and leave his arms; got to work 45 minutes late and cried some more... then cried intermittedly until & during lunch. The afternoon was okay until I got in the car to come home... where the tears started to flow again.
I'm sad, people. And the crazies are starting to get to me. My mind is wondering, it's going places that it shouldn't go. I'm dealing with stuff I've never really dealt with before in my life. He's leaving. I don't know what's going to happen. He speaks confidently that things are going to continue, yet I continue to doubt him in my head. I know I don't want to stop this now... I want to see where things go and how/when/if they end.
After all this crying I decided to finally get the prescription for the anti-depressants filled - I figured I should be prepared - so I stopped off at the grocery store for the filling and some essential pity food. It was then when I realized why I didn't fill it when the doctor first issued it to me three months ago... 30 pills for $60!
When I got home and saw the card from him sitting on the counter that's when I cried the hardest. I opened the card and this is what it said -
(front)
You're beautiful inside and out...
in a way that changes things...
and makes days brighter...
and smiles warmer...
(inside)
...and hearts - like mine - so much happier.
(his note)
Kat -
Hope you get well soon...,
Remember that I'm always thinking about you and miss you even more!
I hope we can make the distance thing work because I would really like to see you after I move to DC.
Love, G-Mo
It's very sweet, with lots of purple butterflies and pink flowers. I don't know what it is, but he just knows. He sent the card while he was out of town last week and it arrived on the first day that I really let my emotions free. I've been avoiding the thought of him moving for so long, but it's so close I don't think I can anymore. Although, I think that might be the best way to deal with this stuff anyway.
(Which is what he might be doing considering I haven't heard from him since I left him a message five hours ago on the way home from work. I could get into my theories but I don't think it's worth it. See - am I too paranoid?)
4 affirmations:
You're allowed to be emotional--after all you've invested a lot of time and energy into this relationship. It's quite normal to be emotional and sad. We're here for you--just remember that!
Who knows, you might get a job offer in DC. Long distance sex is better than no sex, right?
I have been in long distance relationships before (Hello! NYC to Cape Town!) and they are definitely hard, but the thing is, they really can work, too. Honestly, sometimes I feel that being apart forces you more together in the ways that matter, since the only thing you have for most of the time is the chance to talk. You can really get to know someone so much better, and faster, when you don't have his physical presence to distract you. This could be a really great chance for your relationship with him - AND it could help you build your strength, patience, confidence, and independence, too!
Emotions are a normal part of life - and this shows that you really do care. I agree with Melissa...distance can be a good thing :) And it could help you guys grow closer :)
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